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<title>I'm Losing What's Real by Lif61 (UltimateFandomTrash)</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26593981">I'm Losing What's Real</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/UltimateFandomTrash/pseuds/Lif61'>Lif61 (UltimateFandomTrash)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Canon Character Death (mentioned), Canon Typical Violence, Episode: s05e22 Swan Song, First Kiss, Grief, Healing, M/M, POV Dean Winchester, Sam mention, angel grace, injuries</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 02:49:21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>483</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26593981</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/UltimateFandomTrash/pseuds/Lif61</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The Apocalypse has been averted, and Dean is all alone. How can he go on? Is anybody out there? What's the point? Is his grief too over-powering?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel/Dean Winchester, Destiel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I'm Losing What's Real</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I watched four <em>Supernatural</em> episodes (which, honestly, not even close to my most intense binge), and now I'm an emotional bitch. Sam and Dean, I love you. Thank you.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
<em>Tell me how to feel</em><br/>
<em>Tell me how to lay this down</em><br/>
<em>I'm losing what's real</em><br/>
<em>Buried underneath it now</em><br/>
</p><p>
<em>Everything you touch I love</em><br/>
<em>Even though it leaves me numb</em><br/>
<em>Tell me how to feel</em><br/>
<em>Tell me how to go without</em>
</p><p>
<em>You're taking me down, taking me down</em><br/>
<em>To skin and bones</em><br/>
<em>You're taking me down, taking me down</em><br/>
<em>To skin and bones</em><br/>
<em>No heartbeat left in me</em><br/>
<em>There is no air here left to breathe</em><br/>
<em>All I know</em><br/>
<em>Is when your love goes</em><br/>
<em>I'm just skin and bones</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>Dean knelt on the dry, yellowed grass in Stull Cemetery, barely able to see, all of him hurting so much it was like pain had taken up a permanent residence in his very soul. It was so all-encompassing that it seemed to numb him, blind him.</p><p>And it was nothing -- <em>nothing</em> -- compared to losing Sam.</p><p>His baby brother.</p><p>He was dead. Down there. In Hell.</p><p>Dean had never felt more alone.</p><p>Bobby was--</p><p>Cas--</p><p>The end.</p><p>THE -- FUCKING -- END.</p><p>And Dean could feel Castiel’s touch on his soul. The brand of his hand on his shoulder, the runes carved into his ribs.</p><p>He was gone.</p><p>And there was nothing to mark Sam, save for the blood, swelling, and bruises that his brother’s own fists had delivered upon him. Yet, it hadn’t been him. The Devil had been in him. But in the end, Sammy had won.</p><p>Dean didn’t feel like they’d won.</p><p>No reminder of Sam.</p><p>No one there to lie to and say, “I’m fine,” and get a drink with. No one to sleep in that other bed in a crappy motel room.</p><p>Saving people. Hunting things. The family business.</p><p>If saving people was what they did, then why couldn’t he save his family?</p><p>Suddenly, there was a presence, and Castiel was there.</p><p>Dean was breathless, sure he must be imagining it. He wasn’t. The angel pressed two fingers to his forehead, and healed him. Dean felt the brand leave, skin no longer slightly raised. But Castiel’s touch remained in him, and Dean wanted to fall into it, realizing that he was all he had now. This angel -- <em>his</em> angel.</p><p>“Cas, are you God?”</p><p>“That’s a nice compliment. But no. Although, I do believe he brought me back. New and improved.”</p><p>Dean didn’t give a flying fuck about God. Didn’t give a shit about anything other than this one person before him.</p><p>He wasn’t alone anymore.</p><p>Tears in his eyes, Dean rose to his feet, and hugged Castiel as hard as he could, gripping tight. At first Cas seemed confused, but then he held Dean too.</p><p>Dean wasn’t even surprised when his lips searched out the angel’s.</p><p>What surprised him was that he wasn’t the only one seeking such a touch. Dean melted in Castiel’s arms, tears rolling down his cheeks, as his best friend, his angel, his family, kissed him back.</p>
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